Even those with perfect lives on the outside suffer on the inside.
I'm going on day 2 of no medication for my CFS.
I have a Dr appointment tomorrow at 9:45 for a med check and hopefully a prescription refill.
In the past 48 hours I have been awake for only a handful of them. Those hours have and are being spent exhausted, feeling like I'm drowning in tired, guilty I am not helping my coworkers in such trying weather that makes our jobs more demanding and difficult, guilty my dogs are more idle than they should be expected to tolerate, and in tears. Dizzy, confused, sorry for myself and those I'm failing around me.
I'd give anything to earn exhaustion.
Tired of being tired.
I don't know how to cope.
I'm scared I'm viewed as lazy.
There's no fuel in my fire.
I haven't been around here long enough to know you well enough to tell if this is a real post about your life or more satire about JW, but if you are going through this right now you have my sympathies. I've lived pretty much my whole life being afraid of being perceived as lazy and always feeling as if I just can't work fast or hard enough to get everything accomplished. Hope you feel better soon. <3
ReplyDeleteWhen I first started working here one coworker would always tell me to move or hurry and still I feel they think I waste time though I'm always working. its stressful for sure. I just try and be proud of what I get done and make an effort not to feel pressure...though even by myself it feels at times I'm being judged by someone looking over my shoulder.
DeleteIt sounds like you need the meds. I hope your Dr. gets you fixed up.
ReplyDeleteIm being serious. sorry anon, I understand how you feel. don't compare, do the best you can and do not apologize. more than likely the quality of your work far surpasses their quantity.
ReplyDeletethank you red horse. every so often I'm off my meds for a few days and its hell.
Don't apologize, I will bet you do far more in a day than many people. One can only work to the best of their own abilities, and everyone is different! Don't be afraid to move a bit slower, slow and steady still gets the job done! Hope your energy level improves soon.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're feeling back to yourself again soon.
ReplyDeleteMight want to ask about getting tested for lyme disease. I heard chronic lyme infection can act like chronic fatigue. Hope you get your meds and are feeling better soon!
ReplyDeleteNot Lyme...oddly wish it was. I've struggled with fatigue since being diagnosed with mono 10 years ago. feel like I've never recovered.
DeleteI hope you're back on your feet soon! Don't let coworkers get you down. Just do your best, that's all you can do!
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my prayers. Please keep us posted.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your CFS, good luck at the docs
ReplyDeleteOh, Meredith I'm so sorry:-(. I have suffered with CFS since my teens. Sometimes I feel like no one can relate and it can be very isolating. I am always weighing the amount of activity I can do versus the amount of recovery time I will need. Of course I don't know you personally, but from your blog you seem like you would be the go to person if something needed to be done efficiently and done correctly. If it is any help at all I changed my diet and it has made the biggest difference after many failed conventional remedies. I basically do an Eat Clean (no processed foods, no gluten, soy, or dairy) lifestyle with a ton of fresh greens. You might want to look up Dr. Terry Wahls. She has developed a variation of the Paleo diet which has helped a lot of people with all kinds of illness. While I do some grains in my diet I make sure they are gluten free and not heavily processed. I think the most important thing is the large amount of fresh greens and other vegetables. For supplements i do b12, fish oils, probiotics, and vitamin d. I just wanted to share this info with you b/c after trying everything (and I was bedridden for a couple of yrs) the diet really helped me. Hope you feel better!
ReplyDeleteTearing up knowing you can relate though I'm sorry you can. I will reread your comment again when I can focus better and research more. thank you.
DeleteI have fibromyalgia, I pretty much do the same things for it. A few years ago I would have flare ups and be unable to move without pain for days. Knock on wood, I haven't had anything that bad in quite a while.
DeleteThank you all. may we all support one another through our struggles.
ReplyDeleteYou do what you can. Everyone has different energy levels. Mono will MESS you up, pretty much life long. What you need to do is when you have energy, get all you can done and when you need a rest, DO IT. Our bodies are great at telling us what they need. Don't worry about what others think. I have issues as well, and I make sure when I have energy I blow through the work, and then I rest- a lot. Rest, eat well, and drink a lot of water.
ReplyDeleteHow did your dr. appointment go? I've been thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteYes, me too! Feeling better?
ReplyDelete