30lbs, wrinkles, the weight of my little world. I used to be on the verge of smiling and now I'm on the verge of tears.
Maybe once I get on Medicaid in 2016 and try new meds or restart the old meds for Chronic Fatigue things will be different. Right now I live in a reality of not being able to support myself..,I scrape by doing my best.
30lbs, wrinkles, the weight of my little world. I used to be on the verge of smiling and now I'm on the verge of tears.
Maybe once I get on Medicaid in 2016 and try new meds or restart the old meds for Chronic Fatigue things will be different. Right now I live in a reality of not being able to support myself..,I scrape by doing my best.
You know what, I'm totally sad too though for very different (tho prob some same) reasons. I'm not barely scraping by and I am thankfully mostly healthy yet I have other reasons and loss worthy to be overwhelmingly sad. ..but I have to remind myself that circumstances don't make us happy. Whether we choose to be happy or not makes us happy. It is the hardest choice in the world for me right now, but I'm trying to make it anyway. I think you look the same or better now. You are much wiser and your human/soul growth has been huge since then. You are more beautiful for those reasons, so start believing it!!!!
Dear Meredith - I hesitate to write this as I have written before, but I feel compelled to do so one last time. Then I will write on this no more.
I am getting very strong feelings that Ayrshire is destroying you. I feel you have taken this as far as you can. Believe me, you have made an impact. But you will always be 'out-moneyed'. And the courts do not and will never feel about pigs the way you do. I feel that this is literally consuming you.
I don't want to be an Amen Charlie to you. I have come to care about you over the years. I can see some of myself in you. I am also of Nordic descent and have dealt with fibromyalgia. When I was in the midst of the worst of it, I could not see the forest for the trees. I needed professional coaching for that.
And yes, I was resistant for years. But Louise Hay, author of "You can heal your life", states that what we are most resistant to, we need to do the most.
I would suggest not only working with doctors on your Chronic Fatigue, but finding a good life coach or spiritual counselor. I also recommend the works of Louise Hay, Carolyn Myss and Wayne Dyer. I have a scientific mind and resisted New Age thinking for a long time, but a prestigious medical facility near me is using their methods, and believe me, they work.
I feel that your work on Ayrshire is seriously affecting not only your health, but your relationships as well.
I don't know the answers to your situation, but I feel that if you bless the work you've done and let it go, you may find release. This is also known as surrender, or 'let go, let god'.
I think you were born with a heart too large and you literally feel what the pigs went through. Again, I have no answers but that is where professional coaching or counseling comes in.
I won't bring this up again. Good luck to you Meredith, and may you find peace, health and happiness in your life.
Meredith - I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a hug.
I think I see an answer in what you wrote. It sounds like an addiction and an addiction does not necessarily mean drugs or alcohol. Addicts know they need to stop, know their addiction is destroying them, but cannot stop.
I feel some type of professional counseling is called for but it needs to be the right kind. Not all counselors are equal. I went through many before I found the right one.
You are a beautiful woman with a big heart. While you are seeking help, I'd suggest you see if your library has any books by the authors I mentioned, especially Louise Hay.
Thank you for looking out for me. Im going to see this through Sandy Lerners trial for sure. After that I don't know. I might just compile anything and everything I have in terms of evidence and publish it.
I'm a different anon butting in to make a suggestion.
You might try journaling in the meantime as a way to diffuse some of the stress you're feeling and help bring clarity to your thoughts. It was suggested to me once, and I admit it sounded kinda like pointless busy work--- turns out it was surprisingly helpful.
I agree with Anon 12:10 and think this is doing you harm. I understand you want to help the pigs, but at your own expense? And don't just have the knee-jerk "at any expense!" response. Think about it, and think about what it is doing to you. It is making you depressed, angry, bitter.
I am no therapist, but I think you may be clinging to the Ayrshire case is a way for you to grieve for your lost loved one. I think there may be a more beneficial way for you to deal with the loss, one that helps you instead of drags you down.
I hope you are able to find a counselor that can help you, because I truly think you need some help (and that is NOT a bad thing or anything to be ashamed of).
We care about you and want you to be happy, and you just aren't happy.
I think exercising is great though, and will be a great way to take care of yourself.
How do you all recommend I help the pigs? This farm physically abuses them and readily withholds medication to the point animals are immobile and slowly suffer to death. Their animal husbandry is so poor animals die due to extreme heat and extreme cold.
All the while they are labeled certified humane and certified organic yet fail to meet those standard. Loudoun county trusts the abuse won't continue because of wealthy white privilege.
It is so corrupt and the suffering is indescribable.
What do I do?
I can move on from Eddie's accident. I can't move on from active abuse.
I agree with the anons and have been thinking this for some time. I don't think you've really moved on from Eddie's loss, and you've mixed up that grief with the grief over Skinny. It's very sad, but I don't think you're equipped to handle it. If you can find a very wealthy benefactor or group to support your cause, you might have a chance, but even then I don't think it would be a 50/50 chance. The laws are not in your favor. I don't believe Sandy Lerner will ever go to trial. Even if you destroy yourself, you won't be able to punish her.
Please take some time off from this struggle. I know that the stress can make your medical condition worse, and it sounds like you need some recharging. I wouldn't want you to suffer for all the pigs in the world.
Meredith, I think you don't realize that you've already won. It may never happen in court. But much as you've exposed CAF for what it is, you've also made what you saw at Ayreshire visible to others. Giving up the legal battle doesn't mean you have to stop shining a light on them. I've said before that the greatest impact you could have on livestock care is by working hard, with a goal, and starting your own farm. Lead from the front of the pack. Show others how it's done. Instead of spending time on what happened before, start working on your own future in a way that will help you and the animals at the same time. I have faith that if you put the same energy into getting some money and land that you put into prosecuting Lerner, you'd feel successful on many levels.
I made phone calls and sent emails as you requested. The impression I got was that it was over. I don't think this is going any further and I agree with Redhorse that Sandy Lerner will never go to trial. When the courts abandoned you the day of Crystal's trial, I believe that was the end. I think that is why no one seems to be rallying to your cause. I think people feel you have taken this as far as it could go.
I agree with the others that it is time to take care of yourself, regain your health and build a better future.You have a lot of us pulling for you. We care.
What a beauty you are!
ReplyDeleteWere!
DeleteThat's from 2006 I think.
What's the difference to now except makeup?
ReplyDelete30lbs, wrinkles, the weight of my little world. I used to be on the verge of smiling and now I'm on the verge of tears.
DeleteMaybe once I get on Medicaid in 2016 and try new meds or restart the old meds for Chronic Fatigue things will be different. Right now I live in a reality of not being able to support myself..,I scrape by doing my best.
I'm sad.
30lbs, wrinkles, the weight of my little world. I used to be on the verge of smiling and now I'm on the verge of tears.
DeleteMaybe once I get on Medicaid in 2016 and try new meds or restart the old meds for Chronic Fatigue things will be different. Right now I live in a reality of not being able to support myself..,I scrape by doing my best.
I'm sad.
You know what, I'm totally sad too though for very different (tho prob some same) reasons. I'm not barely scraping by and I am thankfully mostly healthy yet I have other reasons and loss worthy to be overwhelmingly sad. ..but I have to remind myself that circumstances don't make us happy. Whether we choose to be happy or not makes us happy. It is the hardest choice in the world for me right now, but I'm trying to make it anyway. I think you look the same or better now. You are much wiser and your human/soul growth has been huge since then. You are more beautiful for those reasons, so start believing it!!!!
ReplyDeleteDear Meredith - I hesitate to write this as I have written before, but I feel compelled to do so one last time. Then I will write on this no more.
ReplyDeleteI am getting very strong feelings that Ayrshire is destroying you. I feel you have taken this as far as you can. Believe me, you have made an impact. But you will always be 'out-moneyed'. And the courts do not and will never feel about pigs the way you do. I feel that this is literally consuming you.
I don't want to be an Amen Charlie to you. I have come to care about you over the years. I can see some of myself in you. I am also of Nordic descent and have dealt with fibromyalgia. When I was in the midst of the worst of it, I could not see the forest for the trees. I needed professional coaching for that.
And yes, I was resistant for years. But Louise Hay, author of "You can heal your life", states that what we are most resistant to, we need to do the most.
I would suggest not only working with doctors on your Chronic Fatigue, but finding a good life coach or spiritual counselor. I also recommend the works of Louise Hay, Carolyn Myss and Wayne Dyer. I have a scientific mind and resisted New Age thinking for a long time, but a prestigious medical facility near me is using their methods, and believe me, they work.
I feel that your work on Ayrshire is seriously affecting not only your health, but your relationships as well.
I don't know the answers to your situation, but I feel that if you bless the work you've done and let it go, you may find release. This is also known as surrender, or 'let go, let god'.
I think you were born with a heart too large and you literally feel what the pigs went through. Again, I have no answers but that is where professional coaching or counseling comes in.
I won't bring this up again. Good luck to you Meredith, and may you find peace, health and happiness in your life.
I agree.
DeleteI can't stop.
Their pain is my pain.
Dealing with it is painful, not dealing with it is painful.
I need help.
I,don't know what to do.
I see no future besides this.
Its destroying me and j can't walk away.
Meredith - I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a hug.
DeleteI think I see an answer in what you wrote. It sounds like an addiction and an addiction does not necessarily mean drugs or alcohol. Addicts know they need to stop, know their addiction is destroying them, but cannot stop.
I feel some type of professional counseling is called for but it needs to be the right kind. Not all counselors are equal. I went through many before I found the right one.
You are a beautiful woman with a big heart. While you are seeking help, I'd suggest you see if your library has any books by the authors I mentioned, especially Louise Hay.
I am sending hugs and love across the Ethernet.
Thank you for looking out for me. Im going to see this through Sandy Lerners trial for sure. After that I don't know. I might just compile anything and everything I have in terms of evidence and publish it.
DeleteI need to get involved in a more influential way.
I'm a different anon butting in to make a suggestion.
DeleteYou might try journaling in the meantime as a way to diffuse some of the stress you're feeling and help bring clarity to your thoughts. It was suggested to me once, and I admit it sounded kinda like pointless busy work--- turns out it was surprisingly helpful.
I agree with Anon 12:10 and think this is doing you harm. I understand you want to help the pigs, but at your own expense? And don't just have the knee-jerk "at any expense!" response. Think about it, and think about what it is doing to you. It is making you depressed, angry, bitter.
ReplyDeleteI am no therapist, but I think you may be clinging to the Ayrshire case is a way for you to grieve for your lost loved one. I think there may be a more beneficial way for you to deal with the loss, one that helps you instead of drags you down.
I hope you are able to find a counselor that can help you, because I truly think you need some help (and that is NOT a bad thing or anything to be ashamed of).
We care about you and want you to be happy, and you just aren't happy.
I think exercising is great though, and will be a great way to take care of yourself.
How do you all recommend I help the pigs? This farm physically abuses them and readily withholds medication to the point animals are immobile and slowly suffer to death. Their animal husbandry is so poor animals die due to extreme heat and extreme cold.
ReplyDeleteAll the while they are labeled certified humane and certified organic yet fail to meet those standard. Loudoun county trusts the abuse won't continue because of wealthy white privilege.
It is so corrupt and the suffering is indescribable.
What do I do?
I can move on from Eddie's accident. I can't move on from active abuse.
I agree with the anons and have been thinking this for some time. I don't think you've really moved on from Eddie's loss, and you've mixed up that grief with the grief over Skinny. It's very sad, but I don't think you're equipped to handle it. If you can find a very wealthy benefactor or group to support your cause, you might have a chance, but even then I don't think it would be a 50/50 chance. The laws are not in your favor. I don't believe Sandy Lerner will ever go to trial. Even if you destroy yourself, you won't be able to punish her.
ReplyDeletePlease take some time off from this struggle. I know that the stress can make your medical condition worse, and it sounds like you need some recharging. I wouldn't want you to suffer for all the pigs in the world.
Meredith, I think you don't realize that you've already won. It may never happen in court. But much as you've exposed CAF for what it is, you've also made what you saw at Ayreshire visible to others. Giving up the legal battle doesn't mean you have to stop shining a light on them.
ReplyDeleteI've said before that the greatest impact you could have on livestock care is by working hard, with a goal, and starting your own farm. Lead from the front of the pack.
Show others how it's done. Instead of spending time on what happened before, start working on your own future in a way that will help you and the animals at the same time. I have faith that if you put the same energy into getting some money and land that you put into prosecuting Lerner, you'd feel successful on many levels.
I made phone calls and sent emails as you requested. The impression I got was that it was over. I don't think this is going any further and I agree with Redhorse that Sandy Lerner will never go to trial. When the courts abandoned you the day of Crystal's trial, I believe that was the end. I think that is why no one seems to be rallying to your cause. I think people feel you have taken this as far as it could go.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others that it is time to take care of yourself, regain your health and build a better future.You have a lot of us pulling for you. We care.