Anyone ever given and/or received?
Do tell!
I just love them!
Speaking of I'm single!
this means another move, probably not in this are because of the high cost of living. I'm not sure what I'm going to do or where I'll go...
So tired of instability.
Before I had the house fire I spent most of my extra money on fostering and rescuing dogs and on infrastructure where I rented so I could have the garden, chickens, and pigs.
After the fire I realized I Did not have a supportive family when it came to alternative living arrangements, even temporary...and I've been scrambling since. The farm job wasn't smart financially only getting a small stipend.
The next few months are going to.be very trying and difficult.
Please send good wishes my way as I try and rebuild, starting from scratch.
I'm just exhausted with everything. Always on the move. Being loyal to my convictions and dogs has brought me to a place I didn't imagine I would be.
My farm house burned down in November 2009. I had just bought the farm and had the house built winter of 2005-2006. The cause of the fire is a long story I really don't want to get into here...but in the long run, it made me build a new relationship to the things I have, the places I call 'home.' I will forever miss a few irreplacables , like the quilt my deceased grandmother hand-sewed for me. Whom I had only met once, to my memory. But I'm grateful for having a new disconnect, of sorts, to things and places. I think it makes you dig deeper into your own sense of self/place in the world, which I think is more important than a house full of stuff.
ReplyDeleteLong story short, I'm with you on the unsupportive family, the instability, the exhaustion, the sense of rootlessness. Know it that it may take some work, but can get much better. Don't give up, lady!
And so there's my sorry two-bit pep talk for the month, for whatever it's worth, and I'll now mind my own business and go back to trying to solve my own problems :) Best of luck to you. Sometimes starting with nothing at all is the best place to be.
-BH
So true! Thank you for the encouragement...and yes, the disconnect is a relief! Glad to hear you're on the mend after such a tragic experience. I appreciate the comment!
DeleteOh gawd, it's just one damn thing after another :( Sending virtual hugs and wishes for peace and home comforts for you and the dogs...
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear that. Have you considered moving to a city for a while, where you might find better wages? You could build up some savings and then be free to do what you want. I hope things will improve for you!
ReplyDeleteMeredith, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I wish I could offer you some sensible advice, although I really don't know enough about your situation and your family. But in general, I think it would be good if you could move in with someone on a temporary basis, be it a friend or family member, while you either get a job or job re-training. Just until you get on your feet.
ReplyDeleteMy son moved back in with us in his early 30's after a divorce. He was starting from scratch. He didn't really want to do it, but he got some additional schooling, then a job. He was with us less than a year, just long enough to get his footing.
Sending you good wishes for a brighter future.
Meredith - Hope the tough times don't last! I think we usually already know the answers that would improve our lives. It's just the doing that's hard. Be proud that you're strong enough to be alone, and hopefully someday you'll meet someone going the same way as you.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot of advice here on your own blog. What a gift it would be to be able to listen to and learn from those older than you. I think it's just about impossible, though.
Here's my advice. Work like heck while you can. 2 jobs. At least one off the books and put away the money to buy a place, hopefully at least a two-family so someone will help you pay the way, and take on roommates if you have to, but put the money away so you can achieve your greater farming goals.
Know what you want and always move in that direction, even if slowly. You'll get closer all the time.
And remember, it's not just work that gets you closer. It's also socializing, helping others, hobbies, etc., that make life rich.
I agree. I have chronic fatigue syndrome that complicates being able to peddle to the metal at all times...but I absolutely need to get moving and do what I can. Having 3 dogs (as much of a joy As they are) has been the most difficult part of going at this alone. I would never recommend a renter own more than one dog....and certainly not any that can be dog aggressive (takes home share off the table).
DeleteI'm Just in a rut and literally have no in person support system at the moment.
I'm 40 and have never really had an in-person support system. I used to feel sorry for myself about this, but over time, I have realized how amazing it has been to conquer the world, so to speak, on my own with my dogs as my buddies. I have no advice on how to do it. I have no advice on what you "should" do. Everyone's journey is personal. What I do know is that it is possible and you can do it. You will figure it out. This will be behind you sooner than later. You are the strongest go-getter out there. I am sure you will leverage everything you can and spring yourself ahead. Where do you *want* to live?
ReplyDeleteI'm stuck in.the past. I miss the pigs and I'm acutely aware of how their piss poor animal husbandry practices are and it's debilitatingly sad. Neglect, abuse, cruelty. I want to protect and care for them. Anything else is defeat.
DeleteIn my experience, being stuck on past issues or wrongs is much more of an energy drain that we realize. I have been amazed at how my life has changed on numerous occasions when I've just let go of things that happened to me, or things in the present that I can't control, and have chosen to focus on something else. It could be something as simple as gratitude for seeing a beautiful sunrise. As Wayne Dyer put it, "When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change", and it's very true. I recommend his work, as well as some of the Franklin Covey books. We watched a film by them a few years ago called, "Finding Your Values, Reaching Your Goals". The gist of the program was that you articulate your values, create goals and then break those goals down into manageable steps that you will take to achieve them. (You write all of this down.) I haven't looked at their materials lately, but they have a book called "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" that looks good.
ReplyDeleteI can't turn my back on those pigs.
DeleteNothing wrong with that - it sounds like that's one of your highest values. I guess I would continue to pursue that while identifying and pursuing my other values and goals. I just googled "Finding Your Values, Reaching Your Goals Franklin" and found an abbreviated version of their ideas (they want you to buy their day planner, of course, but you could go and look at one in their store!). I'm sure there are lots of other resources - when I eliminated the word "Franklin" other things came up. Good luck. I applaud you for your compassion and dedication to doing the right thing.
DeleteHave you considered being a farm inspector? I think you would be really good at it.
ReplyDeleteYes. I have been looking at employment as an inspector as I contact each agency a out the farm.
DeleteI know its not enough for you, but you might not be able to control THAT situation with those pigs. What you can control is YOUR life and your future pigs. Being stuck on those pigs and their lives at a place you can't control may hinder you from making a difference for 100s of other pigs you could have in your lifetime. If you can't get your life together and onto a farm where you can raise pigs the right way, then you have failed 100s of future pigs AND those other pigs at that farm. I know making a good life for 100s of pigs will never save THOSE pigs, but it is something that is noble, and something you can control. Then put people like THAT farm out of business so they can't raise more pigs like the ones you saw. Get yourself in a good position to educate the nation on appropriate ways to raise pigs so no new people will get farms and pegs and do what those people are doing. The Temple Grandin of the beginning, middle AND end of the process! You COULD totally do that, but you can't educate the public til you get your shit together. You have the intelligence and ability to make a huge difference in the pig world, but not if you drown yourself in the emotions you are holding onto with that place. And I think Skinny and all his buddies would be proud if you pulled it together and helped other pigs even if you can't help them.
ReplyDeleteI know that and believe it 100%. What will help is the investigation progressing and me getting to a point I can publish my Ayrshire Abuse findings through a website and book. If I can't help them (in tears writing this) I want EVERYONE to be informed of what they are supporting when purchasing from this farm or supporting anything Sandy Lerner. I've contacted just about every organization affiliated with Ayrshire Farm and will continue to knock on doors but know I can't continue to devote the time and energy I have been. The more I get engrossed in it the further I personally get behind. Unfortunately that is often why evil wins. I do know I will NEVER stop fighting for those pigs in some shape or form. Creating the website, brochures, a book, large magnet on my car, t-shirts etc. Protecting those pigs from the sadistic monsters on that farm is in my blood. At some point If all else fails awareness is what I will cling to. I hope to develop a consulting firm for pasture pigs, hold seminars, etc and will teach from the what not to do angle using Ayrshire Farm as a case study. The visuals and statistics of what not to do will make the point of what to do. A step by step pasture pig workshop with picture after picture of healthy animals and no visual consequences or neglect is good but showing What happens when you fail to plan for the expected will drive the point home. Prevention is preferable to.intervention.
DeleteThank for the clarity. It helps to read it rather than just think it. I do know those animals live in hell and the individuals involved will be held accountable one way or another. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve and some others brainstorming.
THAT sounds freaking awesome. You will be the National Pig Lady, ahem, Pig Expert. Seriously though, you would be great going to people's farms to show them hands-on what to do. A pig consultant, if you will. Think how many you can help! You know, if you had the same solid, powerful conviction on your own life as you do those pigs, you would already be where you need to be to do all those things and make that difference. You are in the verge of something great. Pull yourself up. Get some income. Get a place to live. And Soar. You got this.
ReplyDeleteThe Erin Brochovich of Factory and Fake Farms!!!!.
ReplyDelete